This blog is a very tiny window into my blogging life. A narrow, frosted window; the kind you usually see at the dentist's office to shield from view the impending torture slowly deviating toward your mouth.

Unfortunately, most of my blogging content is too personal to put up publicly, and I feel bad because 99.9% of the people I mention it to won't ever have access to it. So I made a public blog. It has resulted in the debacle that is this account - a superficial outpouring in humorously obscure, skewed ways.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Twilight the Movie


Wow, watching Twilight made me want to jump a man or something, because the men in this movie exude some serious sex appeal.

Edward was sex on a stick (his eyebrows are amazing). No better way to put it. Like, just... damnnnnnn.

Bella was okay. /shrugs. Seriously, you'll probably say the same thing.

Mike was a cutie pie foshizzles.

Eric was a pretty good lookin' Asian (I did not expect him to be Asian), and... the black guy that almost hit Bella with his car (sorry, I forgot his name)? He was sexy too. What a very good looking cast.

Jacob was aiiteee. I dunno, not really my type. Very white teeth though. Bleach was his teeth's best friend or something during the production of this movie, because those babies shone like a diamond in the rough.

Others notes:

The Cullen Family was very nice portrayed photogenically. Carlisle was a great representation of the book. A little fake with the almost-peroxide, but what can you do? Esme is played by Eva from Grey's Anatomy!

Rosalie is a poorly portrayed bitch and Emmett made me LOL at the baseball hat.

Alice is cute. I think her character can work well, but I imagined her to be way more prepubescent or adolescent like in appearance. Jasper looked like he was high. On meth. All the time. Although his hair was quite nice.

And if my adopted siblings were that hot, I'd probably want to date them too.

What shitty shitty acting though.

Like, the toilet and this movie seemed to have been friends at one point in time.

Dialogue was abysmal. Terrible. I would have cried had I not been so amused by the insanity surrounding me (the fangirls were ridiculous - there was a girl who had been there since 2:30pm; the movie started at 10:00pm. In her defense, there have been more extreme cases [read: Star Wars, Harry Pothead], but the squeals and the giggles, and the "awwing"... /palmface).

If I didn't have any background knowledge on this book, this movie would have been complete shit. Seriously.

Plot line had too many holes. The transitions between scenes were terribly introduced. Failure of proper explanation. There was no depth to the characters, no chance for real amazing character development (Take for example the character development that went into the Joker for The Dark Night. Wasn't it just mindblowing?).

Also, no chance for the audience to completely take in what the fuck was going on. Everything moved around too fucking fast with no real solid explanation. The camera panning was too shaky (the Director of Cinematography should be shot for such shitty shots, but they're still probably going to make a killing with this movie). Bad CGI, bad green screen causing the special effects to be severely meh. And if you didn't know, meh is now officially a word in the dictionary.

Actors? Physically awesome. Acting? Awesomely terrible.

Despite this though, I didn't really go in to this movie with severely high expectations. I personally think this series has a ridiculous fangirl base. Like, insane fucking fangirls (I happen to actually not mind crazy fangirls, considering I used to be one myself. But some of these chicks made me want to strangle them).

I personally think Twilight is really overrated in a sense.

I think it's a great book series, don't get me wrong - but I believe that there are better vampire-esque stories out there. The only reason this movie is going to make Top 10 (and it IS going to make Top 10), is because of all the fucking fangirls. Jebussss.

The actors themselves stated that they didn't realize just how big this movie was going to be until they attended Comic Con. Attending Comic Con, if you're not from San Diego, is almost like doing mecca for nerds. Seriously. I need to attend this convention one day in order to satiate my inner nerd. And it's good they realized just how crazy we can be.

But I digress.

SO, even with my low expectations, I thought this movie was fairly decent though. I laughed my head off at some of the retardedness of the females in this movie (cliched acting, anyone?), and inserted the verbal cues when appropriate ("A ku ku ku"). I personally don't think people who haven't read the book at all will really enjoy this movie (if you haven't read this book and don't think this movie is shit, then you don't have a good taste in movies). The last time I read this series was maybe in junior high to high school period, so it's been a decent number of years. With that background knowledge though, I was able to piece together a number of the nuances and plot lines within the book.

  • Plot line: 5.5/10
  • Acting: 4/10
  • Edward Cullen (appearance): 10/10
  • Isabella Swan (appearance): 8/10
  • Forks: 8/10
  • Special Effects: 4/10
  • Fangirl involvement: 11/10
  • Fanboy involvement: 3/10
  • Overall impression of the whole movie: 4.5/10

NOTE: That make out scene between Bella and Edward in her bedroom? With all that fangirl anticipation? Hothothot.


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