Bienvenue.

This blog is a very tiny window into my blogging life. A narrow, frosted window; the kind you usually see at the dentist's office to shield from view the impending torture slowly deviating toward your mouth.

Unfortunately, most of my blogging content is too personal to put up publicly, and I feel bad because 99.9% of the people I mention it to won't ever have access to it. So I made a public blog. It has resulted in the debacle that is this account - a superficial outpouring in humorously obscure, skewed ways.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Am I Asian? Hahaha...

1. [x] Your mother has or had a short-haired, curly perm.
2. [ ] Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. [x] Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4. [x] You ask your parents help on one math problem; 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. [x] You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. [ ] You shop at 99 Ranch.
7. [x] Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. [x] You've had a bowl haircut at one time in your life.
9. [x] Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. [ ] You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. [x] Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. [ ] You or your parents drive mostly Japanese cars.
13. [x] You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. [x] You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
15. [ ] At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...."
16. [x] You know what bok choy is.
17. [x] You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
18. [x] Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet door.
19. [x] You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Joy - ee - yah! or Joy - yah!).
20. [ ] You have no eyelashes.
21. [ ] Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc?
22. [x] Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
23. [ ] The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, and octopi) were last night's dinner.
24. [ ] Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
26. [x] Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."
27. [ ] Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. [ ] An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"
29. [ ] Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
30. [ ] Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!"
31. [ ] Everyone thinks you're good at math.
32. [ ] Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's?
33. [x] You like $1.75 movies.
34. [x] You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. [x] Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green.
36. [ ] Your parents insist/suggest you marry within your race.
37. [ ] You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food.
38. [ ] You either really, really want to go to UofT or really, really want to stay away from it
39. [ ] Your parents have never kissed you.
40. [ ] Your parents have never kissed each other.
41. [x] You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. [ ] "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
43. [ ] People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
44. [x] You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
45. [x] You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
46. [ ] At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
47. [x] Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."
48. [x] The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses.
49. [x] You will most likely be taller than your parents.
50. [ ] Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both.
51. [ ] You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
52. [ ] When going to a friend's house, you always have to bring a gift.
53. [ ] Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees.
54. [ ] Your family owns a tennis racket, golf clubs, or both.
55. [x] Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV.
56. [ ] The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.
57. [x] rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
58. [x] You own a rice cooker or two.
59. [ ] You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
60. [x] Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
61. [x] Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. [x] Your mom buys you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come. ]
63. [x] Your parents believe in feng shui.
64. [x] Your parents are very conservative and think that tank tops/halters/spaghetti straps shows too much skin.
65. [x] Every time your parents lecture you, they always make up excuses that relate to everything you've done in the past.
66. [x] You eat rice everyday almost.
67. [ ] You like JIN.
68. [x] When you were little. Your parents punish you with sticks and stuff
69. [x] The adults fight for the bill when you go out for dinner.

38/69 = 55%.

Wow, I think I'm less Asian than I was five years ago, because I'm pretty sure I've taken this test before and the percentage was wayyyy higher.

2 comments:

Kevin said...

Get your asian on God!

Lori said...

you're clearly only about half asian. but still those stats make me proud of you! haha